Update…
“well i woke up from the real life, and i realize that it’s not worth running from.”
Some lyrics that i’ve recently heard that have kind of opened my eyes up a little bit. Here lately i’ve been really depressed about some things, and i really don’t know what it is. I mean I know what a few things that are causing it are, but i’m not quite sure which one is the main cause of it. Anyway, to go ahead and kind of update you on what happened between me and Ke… He lied to me and I found out the truth, then I found out the true truth and then I just ended it before I could get hurt anymore. It was pretty much like he kept saying he was over his ex and he hated him and everything. Then I found out that he was still talking to his ex and trying to get back with him when we supposedly were going to move to Charlotte, and all this shit. I had just had enough of the fucking lies.
Other than that, I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my cousin who passed away a few years back. Wow, thats kind of hard to say… I can’t believe it’s been that long ago. It seems like it was just yesterday when it happened. It’s amazing how fast life can seem like it’s going, and yet seem like it’s taking forever for it to be over. I’ve just been thinking about how things are beginning to change for me in my life, and I think… What if Meghan were still here, would things be different? Or would they stay the same as they are now? I’ve had a lot of thoughts about it, but to list them all would take up the entire page.
I’ve been somewhat single for the past few months now. It sucks. I say somwhat single because I started seeing this guy, Chris, and we were only dating for like a week before his older sister, which is a close family friend, found out and forbid me to see him again. But of course, I’m not going to stop seeing him, I mean I really liked him. He’s cute, funny, and a great guy. I don’t really know why his sister wouldn’t want us to be together, I mean she knows how I am, she knows I’m a good person, and a good boyfriend. I just don’t understand. She knows I would never do anything to hurt him or whatever. I dunno, she’s crazy. So, I’ve kinda put our relationship on hold at the moment because I’m not sure how things are going to play out within that. I really don’t want to risk my relationship with Autumn (his sister) over him.
I’m talking to this other guy, I’m not going to say his name, because I don’t know if he is reading this right now or not. Part of me kind of hopes he is, and hopes that he knows it’s him I’m talking about, but then again part of me kind of doesn’t want to face him if he finds this weird or whatever. Anyways, he’s pretty cute too. I actually met him on a hookup site. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking… WHORE! No, I wasn’t on the hookup site to “hookup” or whatever. I was there to close the account that my friend had made for me. She wanted me to go on there to find “friends” if you know what I mean, but I deleted the account after she made it. Anyway, as I was on there I got a bit nosey and started looking through some of the “Ad’s” and came across his… I send a message with my AIM screen name and a few days later he IM’ed me and we began talking. At first I didn’t know who he was. It was like a move of congress to find out. lol. But after a while I ended up getting his phone number and talking to him. We’ve never really talked on the phone or anything except for text messaging and through AIM and MySpace. But I’ve kind of grown a liking to him. He’s really cute, adorable actually, and he’s funny and seems like he would have a great sense of humor. I kind of want to ask him out but I’m not quite sure how to do it without seeming like I’m either A) despriate, or B) a dumb fuck. Plus, it kind of seems like I’m a little too far out of his league.
For some reason, I’ve been wanting to find my own place lately. I really wish I could get out of my grandparents house. Not because I hate them or hate being here, it’s just because I’m really ready to take my own step into the world. I really think I could handle it if I got an affordable place and everything. But it seems like my step is going to be delayed a bit. I’ve just gotten a car about two months ago, and now the transmission is messed up and has locked my engine down. So, it’s going to be about a thousand dollars to have it either replaced or repaired. Well, with me only making minimun wage at a fucking Dunkin’ Donuts it’s going to take a while to save up money to have my car fixed so therefore I’m not going to be able to afford an apartment or anything at the moment. Which sucks.
Well, thats about all I really have right now for you. Oh yeah, wait I almost forgot. For all of you Window’s XP users out there go to C:\WINDOWS\system32\oobe\images and then open the file called “Title”. It’s a cool hidden techno song from the Microsoft Corporation. I found it the other night when I was like bored and trying to mess up my friends computer. LOL. Anyways, thats all I have right now. Will write again soon.
<3 Night
-StevanUnvaled™
Short and Sweet
Well this post is going to be quite short, not to mention boring. Me and Ke are through. Some shit went down and it’s over. I’ll write more about it later. I’ve been writing more in my myspace blog lately, so check it out if you want. You might actually find out some things sooner there.
Bleeding Love
After sitting around and thinking about things between me and Ke and thinking about my feelings and whatnot. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m in serious love with him. There is just something about him, like this aura that makes me feel extremely happy. His eyes are like the window to heaven, I wish I could stare into them forever. When I’m with him I feel safe, I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my my shoulder’s and I feel as if I can breathe easy again. It’s like I have not a care in the world.
One major thing that I really love about him is that he is not a sexual person. I mean like, with the other guys that I’ve dated it’s always been like a sexual thing. All they wanted to do when I was with them is just like make out, or touch or something that would lead up to sex or something of that nature. With Ke it’s like he just wants to hold my hand, or cuddle with me, or something that makes me feel like he wants to be with me for some other reason than sex, and I like that. I mean yeah, sex is a big part of a relationship, but it’s not the important part. When I’m with him, I feel so comfortable. I don’t feel like I have some kind of commitment to his sexual needs. I know that sounds kinda stupid, and it’s not like I wouldn’t have sex with him because I really would, but what I’m saying is that when I’m with him, i don’t feel like I HAVE to do it like with some of my other boyfriends.
Ke treats me so great when I’m around him and talking to him. I don’t really know how to explain it but it’s really good. I love him so much, and I thank God everyday that he’s in my life. I’m so glad that Emily told me about that website. Everyone says on line dating never works out, but I’m here to tell everyone that says it doesn’t work out, that they’re dead WRONG!
Smooth
Well Ke came down yesterday to hang out with me. It was out first time meeting and to be honest about it, I was a little nervous about meeting him for the first time; but things were great. Well, let me start from the beginning. I was talking to my friend Ali about him coming down, and she was supposed to be coming back from Kentucky and so I asked her to stop by on her way down to see me because I have’t seen or talked to her in about 6 or 7 months. So when she got here she said she was going to leave so me and him could have the day alone. Well, I asked her to stay and go with us because if I was alone with someone that I didn’t really know that well I would feel really awkward.
Well, when he got here we went to the mall and walked around for a bit. I was kinda noticing that while he was talking and laughing and cutting up and everything it still seemed he was acting a bit “reserved” and I thought it was because he didn’t like me or that I wasn’t what he expected. As the night went on I acted like nothing was wrong and everything. Well, we went and got Ali’s hair did and as we’re sitting in the salon waiting he said he was hungry, so I figured that we would walk to the food court and let him get something to eat. Well, I was going to pay for it but I called my bank and checked my statment while we were waiting and it said that I was in the negative. Which is not right. (by the way, there was just a mix up with my account I callled this morning and they fixed it. So, don’t worry.) So I didn’t get to get him anything to eat. And I felt really bad about it.
We went back to the salon where Ali was getting her hair done and I was sitting in one of the chairs watching her, and I kept thinking to myself, “He’s acting weird. He don’t like me. He’s never going to talk to me again.” and I was really concerned because I really like him and I thought that he wasn’t going to want to talk to me again, or that he had changed his mind about me or whatever. I’ve had shit like that happen so many times to me, that I almost expect it from everyone. Once we left the mall, we didn’t get to go downtown like we had planned. So he just took me and Ali back to my house. Ali got out of the car and went over by her car and smoked a cigarette so me and him could talk.
So I thought that he was just going to be all like, “I’ll call you later. Bye” but he didn’t. He asked me something that really suprised the hell out of me, because what he asked me about was the same thing I was thinking about all night. He asked me “You’re not going to be like the other guys who talk to me, then meet me, and never talk to me again are you?” and I felt a big drop in pressure on my heart. I told him that I was thinking the same thing about him and I was hoping that he wasn’t going to do that to me and everything. Well, after he left me and Ali had a long talk about it and everything and she said she really liked him. Which is odd. Ali never likes any of the guys that I talk to. But she really did like him. So, he did something right to get her approval. :]
But, he’s definiatly got mine.
