Update…
“well i woke up from the real life, and i realize that it’s not worth running from.”
Some lyrics that i’ve recently heard that have kind of opened my eyes up a little bit. Here lately i’ve been really depressed about some things, and i really don’t know what it is. I mean I know what a few things that are causing it are, but i’m not quite sure which one is the main cause of it. Anyway, to go ahead and kind of update you on what happened between me and Ke… He lied to me and I found out the truth, then I found out the true truth and then I just ended it before I could get hurt anymore. It was pretty much like he kept saying he was over his ex and he hated him and everything. Then I found out that he was still talking to his ex and trying to get back with him when we supposedly were going to move to Charlotte, and all this shit. I had just had enough of the fucking lies.
Other than that, I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my cousin who passed away a few years back. Wow, thats kind of hard to say… I can’t believe it’s been that long ago. It seems like it was just yesterday when it happened. It’s amazing how fast life can seem like it’s going, and yet seem like it’s taking forever for it to be over. I’ve just been thinking about how things are beginning to change for me in my life, and I think… What if Meghan were still here, would things be different? Or would they stay the same as they are now? I’ve had a lot of thoughts about it, but to list them all would take up the entire page.
I’ve been somewhat single for the past few months now. It sucks. I say somwhat single because I started seeing this guy, Chris, and we were only dating for like a week before his older sister, which is a close family friend, found out and forbid me to see him again. But of course, I’m not going to stop seeing him, I mean I really liked him. He’s cute, funny, and a great guy. I don’t really know why his sister wouldn’t want us to be together, I mean she knows how I am, she knows I’m a good person, and a good boyfriend. I just don’t understand. She knows I would never do anything to hurt him or whatever. I dunno, she’s crazy. So, I’ve kinda put our relationship on hold at the moment because I’m not sure how things are going to play out within that. I really don’t want to risk my relationship with Autumn (his sister) over him.
I’m talking to this other guy, I’m not going to say his name, because I don’t know if he is reading this right now or not. Part of me kind of hopes he is, and hopes that he knows it’s him I’m talking about, but then again part of me kind of doesn’t want to face him if he finds this weird or whatever. Anyways, he’s pretty cute too. I actually met him on a hookup site. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking… WHORE! No, I wasn’t on the hookup site to “hookup” or whatever. I was there to close the account that my friend had made for me. She wanted me to go on there to find “friends” if you know what I mean, but I deleted the account after she made it. Anyway, as I was on there I got a bit nosey and started looking through some of the “Ad’s” and came across his… I send a message with my AIM screen name and a few days later he IM’ed me and we began talking. At first I didn’t know who he was. It was like a move of congress to find out. lol. But after a while I ended up getting his phone number and talking to him. We’ve never really talked on the phone or anything except for text messaging and through AIM and MySpace. But I’ve kind of grown a liking to him. He’s really cute, adorable actually, and he’s funny and seems like he would have a great sense of humor. I kind of want to ask him out but I’m not quite sure how to do it without seeming like I’m either A) despriate, or B) a dumb fuck. Plus, it kind of seems like I’m a little too far out of his league.
For some reason, I’ve been wanting to find my own place lately. I really wish I could get out of my grandparents house. Not because I hate them or hate being here, it’s just because I’m really ready to take my own step into the world. I really think I could handle it if I got an affordable place and everything. But it seems like my step is going to be delayed a bit. I’ve just gotten a car about two months ago, and now the transmission is messed up and has locked my engine down. So, it’s going to be about a thousand dollars to have it either replaced or repaired. Well, with me only making minimun wage at a fucking Dunkin’ Donuts it’s going to take a while to save up money to have my car fixed so therefore I’m not going to be able to afford an apartment or anything at the moment. Which sucks.
Well, thats about all I really have right now for you. Oh yeah, wait I almost forgot. For all of you Window’s XP users out there go to C:\WINDOWS\system32\oobe\images and then open the file called “Title”. It’s a cool hidden techno song from the Microsoft Corporation. I found it the other night when I was like bored and trying to mess up my friends computer. LOL. Anyways, thats all I have right now. Will write again soon.
<3 Night
-StevanUnvaled™
